Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
