Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
