You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
