pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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