At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
