cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
