I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
