I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i will never coherently bang her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
