Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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