More tranny stories later!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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