he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
