He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just puked most of my soul out..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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