awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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