he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
