He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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