So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
