i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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