when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
