How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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