hotel room ftw
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
