i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Green mimosas i think yes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
