Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
