you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
