she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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