dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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