ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
