Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
