ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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