We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
