I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
