Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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