I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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