I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
