Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
