No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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