Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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