just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
