My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
