I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
