Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
