I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
