believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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