When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
