Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm passing your future prison.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I believe in your delicious
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
