How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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