I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
