He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
