My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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