I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
