Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
