Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
