this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
