I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
