My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
