lets start a swedish sibling band together
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
