Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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