i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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