i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
