Having a random hookup so left but love u
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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