Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
